what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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