Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
