The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When are your genitals available?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
