just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
