coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
