Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I love you.
Bad choice
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
