You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
