When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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