I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
