I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
