I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
