hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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