dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
