it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
