sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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