His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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