please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
