I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
