i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I smell stomach acid.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
