the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
