so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
