she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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