we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
