bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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