Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
