Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
as a side note pls kill me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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