Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
