No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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