fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
