Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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