Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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