the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
