How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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