That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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