They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
