but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
