Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
