im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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