Who wears a wallet chain?!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
