DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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