it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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