i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
false alarm, still single
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