Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
