shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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