so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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