Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
