Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
