Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
