Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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