none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
