420 ftw
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
