do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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