omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
