Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How's work?
Spinning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
